Starter Marriage!!!

Marriage comes with all kinds of opportunities and obstacles.

Today I want to talk about the idea of a starter marriage. What is a starter marriage; it is a marriage that lasts five years or less. It appears that starter marriages are becoming more prevalent in our world today, especially in America. Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of time, dedication, selflessness and most of all commitment.

Whether not fully aware of the commitment it takes or differences arise that are too hard to handle; a starter marriage mentality might be detrimental and when the hard times comes, it might be just be easier to see it end then to work through.

In her book titled The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony; Pamela Paul said “What is it about marriage that makes today [that makes people] want it so badly? And why do so many of their marriages, despite high hopes and desires, end in divorce? Nobody goes into a starter marriage expecting to divorce and trade up to something better, but like a starter home, a starter marriage can teach you a lot about what to look for, and what to avoid, the next time around.” 

 

Now, while she has a good point that a starter marriage can be a learning experience; so is pretty much every part of our lives. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; I believe that marriage is meant to last forever. I know that hard times come; I have experienced them in my own marriage but I know how important it is to work through things and stay grounded.

Spencer W. Kimball has said that “…the time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” He quoted this in 1980; that was 36 years ago and boy do those words ring true today. When something is deeply rooted, it can weather any storm.  

I wanted to talk a little bit about a starter marriage being compared to a starter home. Elder Dallin Oaks has said that some [people] refer to a first marriage as a “starter marriage,” like a small home one uses for a while before moving on. A starter home is a home that is for the most part small; older and economically is something a family can afford. Below is a video about marriage and divorce and it references the talk mentioned above by Elder Oaks. He has a way of taking a subject that is not often talked about and bringing it into perspective. Divorce is becoming so common now a days, I know its important to try and use some of the things he suggests in this video to help marriage. I also believe that some marriages need to be broken due to certain circumstances, but others can be saved through work.


When my husband and I when we were first married bought a small little home that was perfect for us. We did not have any kids and it was comfortable for the two of us. We did know that someday we wanted to start a family; so we did not put much effort into this home.

2 bedroom/ 1 Bath, 829 square fee

A year later, we welcomed our first child and although we fit okay, it seemed cramped at times. With the anticipated arrival of our second child, we knew we needed to find something more fit for our family. We were able to find something that was suitable for us.

3 bedroom/2 bath 1075 square fee

The extra 246 square feet and extra bedroom did wonders for our little family.

  

Looking back; I think about what it would have been like for us if we had stayed in that small home. I am a light sleeper and my husband snores very loudly; most nights I ended up on the couch before we had our kids. I think about how we would have all slept in our small home and how would we have made it work. I think about my marriage and how there have been times when we have had to work through hard things and because we have made the commitment to weather the storm together, we have been able to make it thus far. 

 I love my little family and I know marriage is important; any two people can make a marriage work but two people with commitment; who are determined to do their best will be able to weather any storm; work through any trials and embrace each other as they progress through this life.

References:

Kimball, S.W (1980) Quote in Ensign

Oaks, D.H. (2007). Divorce. Ensign

Paul, P. (2003) The starter marriage and the future of matrimony. New York: Random House