In addition to the transition of creating your own family unit, another one is new family members. This transition was hard for me, tot that I don’t have great in-laws but because transition in general is something that I struggle with. I have never handled change very easy and change is what marriage is all about. “Families are in a constant state of change” (Poduska, chapter 11) and it’s been something I have had to learn to deal with and am still learning each and every day. It has been said that “two people who go through life’s ups and down together grow in ways neither may foresee.” (Poduska, chapter 2) I agree with this statement. Marriage is such a great learning experience. Creating healthy ties with in-laws and extended family is very important. It has been said that “extended family relationships can do much to support and strengthen family members.” I was very nervous to meet my husband’s family but when the time came, they opened their arms and welcomed me as part of their family.
In Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 it reads “Therefore shall a
man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife”. The word
leave and cleave are significant and stuck out to me; to cleave is to remain
attached, devoted, faithful and steadfast. (oxford dictionary) If couples are
devoted, faithful and steadfast and remain so throughout their marriage, they
will be successful. The second word that stuck out to me is leave. Leaving the
comfort of my family or origin was difficult for me.
Spencer W. Kimball has said that “frequently, people
continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers…couples do well to
immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of their in-laws
on either side…your married life should become independent of her folks and his
folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate
their association but you live your own lives, being governed by your
decisions.” He also said that “to cleave does not mean merely to occupy the
same home, it means to adhere closely, to stick together.” (2002)
I think at the beginning of my marriage, my spouse and I
spend a lot of time occupying the same home but were not necessarily sticking
together. We lived down the street from my parents, we were both working and I
spent a lot of my time over at their house in my free time. When we had been
married 5 years we moved across the country and this transition was difficult
because I was so use to relying on my parents and sister instead of my spouse.
It was a time of change, some good and some more difficult; but it was great
for our marriage.
References:
Poduska, B.E (2000) Till debt do us part. Shadow Mountain,
Salt Lake City, Utah Kimball, S.W (2000) Oneness in marriage. Ensign, 32(10),40
