Transitions in Marriage

Throughout our lives, we will encounter transitions; transitions are periods of change. Marriage is one of these transitions; some people transition into marriage better than others. I am one that had a harder time adjusting to married life. It was totally different than I expected and same for my spouse. Working through expectations was very helpful for us and to this day, we still have to take time to keep this in check.

 

In addition to the transition of creating your own family unit, another one is new family members. This transition was hard for me, tot that I don’t have great in-laws but because transition in general is something that I struggle with. I have never handled change very easy and change is what marriage is all about. “Families are in a constant state of change” (Poduska, chapter 11) and it’s been something I have had to learn to deal with and am still learning each and every day. It has been said that “two people who go through life’s ups and down together grow in ways neither may foresee.” (Poduska, chapter 2) I agree with this statement. Marriage is such a great learning experience. Creating healthy ties with in-laws and extended family is very important. It has been said that “extended family relationships can do much to support and strengthen family members.” I was very nervous to meet my husband’s family but when the time came, they opened their arms and welcomed me as part of their family.

In Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 it reads “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife”. The word leave and cleave are significant and stuck out to me; to cleave is to remain attached, devoted, faithful and steadfast. (oxford dictionary) If couples are devoted, faithful and steadfast and remain so throughout their marriage, they will be successful. The second word that stuck out to me is leave. Leaving the comfort of my family or origin was difficult for me.

 

Spencer W. Kimball has said that “frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers…couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of their in-laws on either side…your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions.” He also said that “to cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home, it means to adhere closely, to stick together.” (2002)

I think at the beginning of my marriage, my spouse and I spend a lot of time occupying the same home but were not necessarily sticking together. We lived down the street from my parents, we were both working and I spent a lot of my time over at their house in my free time. When we had been married 5 years we moved across the country and this transition was difficult because I was so use to relying on my parents and sister instead of my spouse. It was a time of change, some good and some more difficult; but it was great for our marriage.

Transition's in life will come to all; transitions in marriage can either make or break a relationship. I know its important that spouses rely on each other, always speak kindly to each other and make sure they are doing all they can to nourish their relationship; it is the most important one out there.  

References:

Poduska, B.E (2000) Till debt do us part. Shadow Mountain, Salt Lake City, Utah
Kimball, S.W (2000) Oneness in marriage. Ensign, 32(10),40