“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their
families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the
necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily
responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred
responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as
equal partners”
What
is equality? Many believe that the term equality means “identity” but in
reality it is not. Husband and wife are not identical and will never be. Each
person brings their own uniqueness and bringing those individualist qualities
together can create equality or oneness.
Interdependence
is a term used in association with equality and oneness. Bruce C. Hafen has
said “In the little kingdom of a family, each spouse freely gives something the
other does not have and without which neither can be complete and return to
God’s presence. Spouses are not a soloist with an accompanist, nor are they two
solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together in harmony
at a level where no solo can go.” I love this analogy; I love music but I am
definitely not a soloist; I love harmonizing and love the implications it has
in marriage.
There
are so many benefits of equal partnership. “Research has demonstrated that
couples who have an equal partnership have happier relationships, better
individual well-being, more effective parenting practices and
better-functioning children. Researchers have also consistently found that
couples who share power are more satisfied and have better overall marital
quality than couples where one spouse dominates.”
Families
are so important and one of the most important work we will be a part of.
Marriage is hard work, becoming one is critical to successful marriages and families
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love
and care for each other”
Spencer
W Kimball has said that happiness in marriage is in the “reach of every couple,
every person”. He has also said that “married couples enjoy a harmonious and
eternal relationship when they remain true to the Lord and to each other.” Marriage
is hard work but lasting happiness can be obtained through some foundational
processes; I will share some of those processes here.
#1
Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant
Marriage
is not just a contract that can be broken at any time; it is a covenant. It is
not just piece of paper; it is a commitment. The covenants we make at marriage
bind couples with the Lord being the focal point. It’s like a triangle with the
husband and wife making up the bottom two points and the Savor completing the triangle
at the top. Bruce C. Hafen has said that “when troubles come [in a marriage], the
parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry
for benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they
bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and
wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow bound by covenants to
each other, to the community and to God.” Getting married in the temple does
not automatically bring eternal life, couples must work together and conduct
themselves in a matter that is pleasing to God.
#2
Love and Friendship
John
13:24 states “new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I
have loved you, that ye also love one another.” Christ was a perfect example of
someone who had a magnanimous capacity to love. The scriptures teach us that we
are to love the Lord and love our wife (and families). C.S. Lewis has said that
“love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep
unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit…they can
have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each
other…it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was
the explosion that started it. “True love emerges from profound friendship.” If
couples develop friendship and nurture their love, they will be able to be
successful and happy.
#3
Positive Interaction
This
foundational process is pretty self-explanatory to me. A positive spouse is one
that is helpful and encouraging. If couples have positive interactions their
marriages will be more constructive. Negativity is sure to seep into any
relationship, hard days will come but as long as the positive outweighs the
negative, couples will be able to overcome hardships
#4
Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse
Once
married, a couple becomes one but it is a process that take some time. Spencer
W Kimball said “two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after
the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced…responsibility must
be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be
relinquished, and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.” Our
spouses can help us and we must be willing to turn them, be willing to listen
to them and learn from them.
#5
Continue Courtship throughout the Years
Every
relationship needs nourishment, every marriage needs continued courtship; they
need to do things together. Spencer W Kimball has said that “love is like a
flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would
soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender
flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot
be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love,
the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and
the consideration of unselfishness…the foods most vital for love are
consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection,
embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith,
partnership, equality, and interdependence.
I
know that these foundations can help aid in the process of obtaining a happy
and healthy marriage.
“Marriage…is ordained of God… God has commanded that the
sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman,
lawfully wedded as husband and wife… Marriage between a man and a woman is
essential to His eternal plan.”
From
the beginning male and female existed; Adam was alone in the Garden of Eden at
first but soon was given a woman. Moses 3:18 states that it was not food that
man should be alone; wherefore I will make a help meet for him.” Paul taught in
Corinthians that “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman
without the man, in the Lord (1 Corinthians 11:11). The world today sees
marriage in a different light then it was before, the path to marriage has
changed. The purpose of my post is to share some insights on how young people
can plan and prepare and move towards marriage.
Lance
B Wickman has said that “one of the most significant confidence tests of
mortality is usually faced in the young-adult season of life. It is the
decision to marry. No decision is approached with greater trepidation by this
generation of young adults? I will share some pitfalls of dating and ways young
people can find their path to eternal marriage.
Pitfall
#1-The Erosion of Traditional Dating and Courtship
Courtship
is a time for people to get acquainted, it is a time to learn about the other
person, what are their interests and goals, hopes and dreams. The world has
slowly shifted from dating to just merely hanging out-these are not the same
thing. Dallin H Oaks has said “Simple and more frequent dates allow both men
and women to ‘shop around’ in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the
prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a
member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see
how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave
opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None
of that happens in hanging out.” There is a ton of pessimism about marriage
that brings with it a need to test out a relationship before marriage. Couples
are more and more living together before marriage; studies have shown that this
in fact does not lead to greater happiness or less divorce if married after the
initial cohabitation.
Pitfall
#2-Approach to Dating: Becoming a Right Person for Marriage
Many
times a person approaches dating with a checklist of what to look for in a
mate; sometimes this checklist deters us from progressing. They are looking for
“the right one”. I do not believe there is such thing as the right one or a
soulmate. David A Bedar said that “the list is not for evaluating someone
else—the list is for you and what you need to become…you are not on a shopping
spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You
become what you hope your spouse will be and you'll have a greater likelihood
of finding the right person." What are you doing in your lives to be the
right person?
Pitfall
#3-Social Perspective on Marriage Readiness
What
are some character and traits of a happily married couple? I will share two
that I feel are important. They are the ability to love and the ability to
communicate. These are two things that I am not great at and things that I want
to be better at in my life. I wish that I would have cultivated these
attributes in my life in adolescence and young adulthood. Love is defined as
“the ability to be emotionally available to self and others, especially in
times of need.” I have always associated love with others but it really begins
with ourselves; just as stated in Matthew 22 verse 39 “…thou shalt love thy
neighbor as thyself.” Communication is also key.
Pitfall
#4-Finding a Choice Eternal Companion
Marriage
is important; it is part of God’s eternal plan. Gordon B. Hinckley has said
that “the most important decision you will ever make” is finding your eternal
companion. He said that “it will influence your life from now through all
eternity.”
I
will close with a quote from Jeffrey R Holland. “Do you want capability,
safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a
true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day
Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because
it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Jesus Christ, the
Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path
of love and happiness. How should I love thee? As He does, for that way ‘never
faileth.’”
I
know that marriage is ordained of God and finding your eternal companion is one
of the greatest choices you will make.
On
September 23, 1995, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued “The Family: A
Proclamation to the World.” Since the restoration of the gospel, the Church has
issued only four proclamations. As an explanation for the proclamation,
President Hinckley said, “The world we are in is a world of turmoil, of
shifting values. Shrill voices call out for one thing or another in betrayal of
time-tested standards of behavior. . . . With so much deception concerning
standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the
slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn.”
“The Family: A
Proclamation to the World” is designed to help us realize the importance of
families in our Heavenly Father’s plan.
The
Family
A Proclamation to the World
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
We,
the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and
a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan
for the eternal destiny of children.
All human beings—male
and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or
daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and
destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal,
and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal
realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their
Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a
physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and
ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine
plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the
grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it
possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to
be united eternally.
The first commandment that
God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband
and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and
replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded
that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and
woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
We declare the
means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the
sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a
solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.
“Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3).
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to
provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and
serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens
wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held
accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is
ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal
plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be
reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.
Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the
teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are
established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance,
forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational
activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in
love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life
and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the
nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and
mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death,
or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families
should lend support when needed.
We warn that
individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring,
or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable
before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring
upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient
and modern prophets.
We call upon
responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those
measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit
of society.
This proclamation was read by President
Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting
held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.
I started back up at school again after a 10 year break. I changed my major to Marriage and Family Studies and its been a crazy few weeks. I am taking a class called "The Family" and we were asked to do a Family Proclamation Project. We are reading from an awesome text this semester called "Successful Marriages and Families-Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives." as well as some talks and articles from various people that have been influential. The
purpose of my posts will be to share some insights on successful marriages and
families and how families can unite and succeed this this ever changing world. I am learning right along with you. I love this little family of mine and I want to create better life for them. They are my everything!!!
My Family
Samuel.Camille.Theodore.Macy.Sally *References in these posts are available upon request*
