“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love
and care for each other”
Spencer
W Kimball has said that happiness in marriage is in the “reach of every couple,
every person”. He has also said that “married couples enjoy a harmonious and
eternal relationship when they remain true to the Lord and to each other.” Marriage
is hard work but lasting happiness can be obtained through some foundational
processes; I will share some of those processes here.
#1
Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant
Marriage
is not just a contract that can be broken at any time; it is a covenant. It is
not just piece of paper; it is a commitment. The covenants we make at marriage
bind couples with the Lord being the focal point. It’s like a triangle with the
husband and wife making up the bottom two points and the Savor completing the triangle
at the top. Bruce C. Hafen has said that “when troubles come [in a marriage], the
parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry
for benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they
bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and
wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow bound by covenants to
each other, to the community and to God.” Getting married in the temple does
not automatically bring eternal life, couples must work together and conduct
themselves in a matter that is pleasing to God.
#2
Love and Friendship
John
13:24 states “new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I
have loved you, that ye also love one another.” Christ was a perfect example of
someone who had a magnanimous capacity to love. The scriptures teach us that we
are to love the Lord and love our wife (and families). C.S. Lewis has said that
“love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep
unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit…they can
have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each
other…it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was
the explosion that started it. “True love emerges from profound friendship.” If
couples develop friendship and nurture their love, they will be able to be
successful and happy.
#3
Positive Interaction
This
foundational process is pretty self-explanatory to me. A positive spouse is one
that is helpful and encouraging. If couples have positive interactions their
marriages will be more constructive. Negativity is sure to seep into any
relationship, hard days will come but as long as the positive outweighs the
negative, couples will be able to overcome hardships
#4
Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse
Once
married, a couple becomes one but it is a process that take some time. Spencer
W Kimball said “two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after
the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced…responsibility must
be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be
relinquished, and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made.” Our
spouses can help us and we must be willing to turn them, be willing to listen
to them and learn from them.
#5
Continue Courtship throughout the Years
Every
relationship needs nourishment, every marriage needs continued courtship; they
need to do things together. Spencer W Kimball has said that “love is like a
flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would
soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender
flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot
be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love,
the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and
the consideration of unselfishness…the foods most vital for love are
consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection,
embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith,
partnership, equality, and interdependence.
I
know that these foundations can help aid in the process of obtaining a happy
and healthy marriage.
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