Parenting with Love, Limits and Latitude: Principles and Supportive Scholarship

“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness”

 

Today I am going to talk about three Parenting styles

COERCIVE, PERMISSIVE and AUTHORATIVE

as well as three essential parenting principles:

LOVE, LIMITS and LATITUDE 
 

 

“Parents bringing children into this world and then rearing them in love and righteousness is essential to the great plan of happiness” (Text 103). Parenting is hard work and comes with joys and trials. My husband and I are the parents of three children and I have to say that it is the most challenging and most rewarding calling I have even had. I am so grateful for the sweet spirits who I am entrusted with. How are we supposed to parent then and help them along their way in this life? I want to first explain a few parenting styles and what I feel is the most beneficial.

Coercive (Authoritarian) Parenting

The very nature of coercion is intimidation and bullying; it is used to belittle children. It takes place in “homes where there is a climate of hostility manifested by spanking, yelling, criticizing and forcing. This style of parenting reminds me of how in the premortal existence, Satan wanted to destroy our agency and force us to choose right. He wanted all the glory for himself. There are times I believe this parenting style is not used on purpose, sometimes we just want our kids to be good and forcing them to be good is the only option. This choice might bring immediate results but will bring long term consequences.

Permissive Parenting

To be permissive is to be lenient or lax. This parenting style is when parents “overindulge children or neglect them by leaving them to their own devices.” Spoiling kids at times is okay but to make it a parenting practice is not beneficial

Authoritative Parenting
In this parenting style there is respect between the parent and child. There is a positive vibe in the home and parents are unified in their efforts. Active or authoritative parenting is ideal and optimal.

My husband and I come from very different family background and dynamics, throughout our seven years of marriage we have strived to find balance in our parenting styles. I admit there are times I wish I could force my children to do what I say but I agree that the coercive parenting style might bring short term results but it could lead to long term problems. We are striving to build positive relationships with our children by following the authoritative parenting style.  

This leads me to the three principles I mentioned earlier; Love (connection), Limits (regulation) and Latitude (autonomy/independence).

LOVE

Expressing love to our children is essential to authorities parenting. We need to engage our children and have meaningful connections. Ezra Taft Benson has counseled parents to “take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to them, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one on one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.” I love this. My husband has recently started taking one of our kids on a date each month; it has been such a great time for them to build connections.

 

LIMITS
Love is the foundation but in the authoritative parenting style, limits or regulations are important. We need to find ways to help our children and we need to be clear and firm in our rules. I have heard of families where the parents and the children work together to create the family rules. This way they are clear and set out, also let children come up with consequences as well. A little while ago, my husband and I were having a hard time with our 4-year-old son. He was pushing our limits to the max and we were at a loss of what to do. We called my father in law to ask him for some advice and he said being consistent as possible is vital. We have tried to follow through with this and it seems to help.

LATITUDE
Children need some feeling of independence. “Children learn and grow by learning how to make choices within limits that are acceptable to parents.” (text 112). Parents need to find balance in the freedom they give their kids and the guidelines they set.  

Families are so important, parenting is important and following these guidelines will help a family be successful.